The Angel's Birthday weekend

Firstly...I would like to take this moment to welcome myself back, Due to the great recession I have found it hard to find a computer that has a ADSL cap big enough for me to type on this awesome blog. Well things seem to be getting better so I will "try" my best to keep this updated...

This Monday passed was indeed the Angel's birthday and so in true tradition we ofcourse celebrated the whole weekend. We kicked off the weekend at the sophisticated Jade bar, I thought Tiger was uppety but this place takes the cake. Dressing my best wasnt even necessary for this establishment, people were walking around in jeans and T-shirts...but not just any old T-shirts...Ed Hardy and names like that...

So after the paparazzi was done taking crotch shots of me, we made our way to the bar, with the Angel not eating at all that day (apparently its a good diet plan) we tore the bar apart with some shots and doubles. The rest of the crew showed up and the night ended off well, the place only really picks up at like 11 and then closes at 2am...it makes no sense but I guess it was a good thing because the birthday girl was really throwing my name away by puking all over herself and speaking in Klingon. It was a great night...

Saturday I spent sitting around in a circle with some friends passing a energade bottle to eachother but I wont get into that.

Sunday brought us the ever so popular Summer concerts at Kirstenbosch featuring my favourite the Parlotones...I reckon they are the most awesome band South Africa has to offer and thats final. A damn stomach bug jumped out of nowhere and started visously attacking my well curved six pack...it wasnt funny. I had to leave a party pack in the concert toilets to sort it out, I dont think Khan was too happy. The concert was fucken awesome as usual...that was like the 8th time I have seen my boys live and they didnt dissappoint. 

We usually chill for about an hour or so before going home from these concerts because traffic is a real bitch. Well Faffy left pretty much after it was done and about over an hour later calls us and tells us he cant find his car. Now this is not an unusual thing for Faffy because if his head wasnt attached to his body he would probably lose that too. I went to meet him with a bad stomach bug beating away at my well curved six pack and drove him and blondie around for like and hour and a bit trying to find this damn tazz. After no success he decided to give tracker a call to help allocate if the car is stolen or just parked somewhere. Tracker was no help at all, they said because he is on a basic plan all they can do is activate the alarm and then he must open a case with the police. Now this blew my fucken mind because cant Tracker just switch on the damn tracker and say "sir your car is in Winchester Road" but no they want to fight about him not having the right plan...Please tell what how the basic cover has ever found a car? Tracker is a pile of poen and should be shot out our sky, it will help out a lot more with the exporting of luxury cars into mozambique. We phoned the 10111 flying squad police 4 times in almost an hour before they got to us...Our country is fantastic with service. (I will elaborate when the time is right). Eventually about 3 hours after the concert and one boskak later Tracker gave in and found Faffy's car in Winchester road which is just around the corner from Kirstenbosch...Faffy you an idiot. 

P.S there were pics I wanted to add but my blog seems to hate me today...Til next time

Booi!

Only in South Africa...

Will this happen...haha

This thief in East London really got an anal beating and he hasnt even gone to jail yet. He tried to break into the East London Museum but when the alarm went off, he fled...up a tree! Then trying to jump over the big silver sharp fence, he landed on it...bulls eye! OUCH!!! He was stuck on the fence for just over 90 minutes. Check out these pics...

Very comfortable...

The rest of the spikes were waiting for their chance in the gang rape...

That must have got some sack...

Justice really got served here...only if our police force was this efficient.

Great work Mr. Spike

Would you like to Earth Dance?

Its the beginning of Trance season, well open air Trance parties...And what better way to start the season with the Awesome EarthDance. Its going to be huge people! 3 Dance Arena's not floors...fucken Arena's my friends, an Arena makes a floor look like a pubic hair on a urinal, yes...that small. EarthDance will be having a Trance arena, a HipHop/TripHop arena and ofcourse a rock arena.

This party is going to attract some of the wildest and weirdest people known to Cape Town and you know what...Im going, so its going to be awesome because I am wild and weird, funny combo and you add the two together and it creates Awesome, read it up...its there.

Like all good Trance parties it has a hidden location (well sort of), you get a map when you get your ticket...which Im getting tomorrow. Tickets are R170 pre-sale and R200 at the gate. Its from the 12-14 September, so bring your tents and lots of energy. Food stalls are provided and if you run out of weed there is a whole lot of dodgy yet friendly white boys running around selling.

They expecting like between 3000 and 7000 people, so make sure your cell phones are charged up because trust me, there are no cops to help you find your loved ones if they missing. To make things exciting for the rock fans...Goldfish will be there, Woopeeefuckendoodah! Im game to see some fucked up names on the Trance floor like: Zion Linguist, Commercial Hippies, Toby2Shoes and Spekta. This party is going to be CRAZY...I have my glow in the dark t-shirt ready, Lumo sunglasses, hippie pants...I am going to hippie the weekend away next week...AWESOME, good break away from my "home away from home" Tiger Tiger...the smart collar, shoes and jeans will be taking a backseat that weekend.

Hope to see you all there...

Peace!

Guess who's back!!!

Hello all! remember me? Well Im back from my two month writers block. It must have been the cold, I was hibernating a little...but enough about that crap, I feel like telling you about my night last night, so here it goes...

A few friends and myself planned a night out at La Med for its now famous comedy night. I decided to give our "world class" train service a miss yesterday and drive in to hell (work), just so I could get home earlier and have a quick workout before leaving on the great trek over the mountain to Clifton. The reason for my quick workout is because of the little competition I have going with my gym obsessed friend, he thinks Im fat and I think Im in shape...round is a shape right? Well he is pumping every USN product on the shelves at Clicks and I am keeping it natural...Im trying to prove a point okay! USN made me round...Im boycotting that shit.

Anyways...I was "designated Dave" for the night, so I went to the central house with the built in Drive-in (GymFreak's house) in Plumstead. This boy has a HUGE tv or maybe its just big because he stays in a bachelor pad. I keep getting damn side tracked, I promised myself I would write such long bullshit but here I go again. So after getting crapped out when I got to the central house because I forgot my "tropical" tree that was growing in my spare room...we decided to leave with a joint filled with this stuff that looks like Mould's mould (and now that is the name of this amazing stuff), it was brought along by the "accountant", one minute she is freaking out on a balcony and the next thing she is supplying us with the 3rd finest weed I have smoked. What a great idea hotboxing my car on the way to a comedy show...or was it?

We were smoking this thin potent Mould's mould down the mini Miami stip of Camps Bay, driving like 10km per hour because of the foreign exoctic cars trying to show off in front of Caprice...Whats the point of having such nice cars when your penis is the size of a peanut, it truly amazes me. The girls are probably like "Oh my god you car is so amazing...what you hiding under those R4000 Diesel jeans"....zipppp!...."Where is it?" "What the fuck is that thing...its so cute"...anyways...

So we go and park at La Med and we are STONED shitless, freaking out at every person that walks past my car. The eyedrops were out and then the giggles came...and they did not go away, we must have looked so damn suspicious. A car pulled up in front of us with a guy and two girls...me and the "make-up artist" were so intrigued by this that we decided to pretend to be them in the car and created our own conversation...not so funny now, but last night that shit was extremely funny. So after building up enough courage, we got out my car probably stinking of Cape Town's 3rd finest, we walked in to La Med to go to the table we booked. We get to the hostess/waitress and she guides us to our table and as if my paranoia could get any worse, our table was right in front of where the comedians perform. Fantastic! So we freaked out a little...a lot! Laughing nervously and uncontrollably (because of the mould's mould)...We were in for one hell of a night. And to attract more attention to our table (that was under a spot light) we had a celebrity or three, the E-TV Weather girl (no names mentioned...for her protection) Hi Candice!...ooops! sorry...And we had the drummer from an up and coming South African band. And ofcourse the 3rd being yours truly (apparently I look like the gay guy from Isidingo, it has brought me some unnessecary attention over the years). Lucky for us, either the lighting was really bright on the comedians so they couldnt see us or they didnt recognise us. They did pick on us a little but it could have been a lot worse...plus I was crying a lot from laughter, so Im glad I didnt get picked on because I probably really would have looked gay infront of everyone...crying like a little bitch, that was some good mould's mould I guess.

Seriously people...every second Wednesday La Med has these Comedy nights, they seriously worth the watch, its free, all you have to do is book a table. The comedians were all great and the MC was fucken brilliant...I wish I had this show on video.

The comedians were:

* Martin Davis (MC)

* Richard hardyman (Kfm)

* Rob van Vuuren (Twakkie from Corne and Twakkie)

* Paul Snodgrass (E-tv's thats sports show and other comedy acts)

* David Livingson (Mweb advert guy)...dont know how to spell his surname, I carnt spal to goed!

I will try keep this blog up to date, I promise

Happy Spring people!

FRRRRRREEEZING!!!

What the hell is up with Cape Town's weather? JEEZ!!!! Its just too cold. I thought it was bad enough me living in a pink house, now I have the vagina to match it. My house is like the inside of a deep freeze. I sit and watch t.v in a tshirt, jersey, jacket, beanie, black boxers (so the skid marks dont show), long pants, takkies and under a blanket. My house is too cold, I first thought it was haunted because every now and then I would get these cold flushes and because there is a ghost in my downstairs toilet...she's nice...at times. Getting out of the shower is depressing, As soon as I get out I watch the water turn to icicles on whats left of my penis. He was so happy in summer, hanging around. Taking my pajamies and trying to put them on is a mission...because they stuck in the position I left them in. My bed feels like a cold puddle...I have to lie in one position the whole night with the blanket over my head just to stay warm...god, I hate winter, and this isn't even bad, I mean this is like summer in some Northern Hemisphere countries. But still it sux...(and I think someone is listening because the sun is shining directly on my desk as I type this)

Well I have had my fair share of depressing people over this winter period already. My boss is moaning alot more than ever, I have clients who are on the verge of suicide...I had the marketing director of Coca cola on the phone with regard to the advert I designed for them, She was like "ag, do what you want I just dont care anymore", yes people I have been checking the obituary for her name, clearly noone has found her body yet. 5fm is just plain depressing from 12 - 3pm and I dont need winter to help with that one. Dj's Grant and Anelle are seriously the kakkest duo ever to grace radio, what crack was the head of 5fm smoking when he decided to put those two idiots on to replace LEGENDS Sacha and Ian. COME ON!!!! seriously! I think the suicide toll went up in this country since they were put on air. I dread it when 12 o clock comes and Sacha says chow! I want to crawl up into a little ball under my desk and start crying like the little girl I have become to be from this winter...

I hope Derek van Dam uses that swift hand movement of his and brings back the sun to Cape Town...if not, I will untag his ass from all my sister's wedding photos...Yes Derek be warned...you will be erased from the wedding album if you dont bring sun to my lovely city soon...

Gone with the days...

Can you believe this shit!, Mini Me (Vernen Troyer) is now in a sex tape scandal. Just when you thought youv'e seen it all, now a midget celebrity is in a sex tape...can the guy even have sex or does he just dive right in. Look at him all naked there with his tongue out...sexy beast! Gone with the days of this little bugger humping Dr. Evil's leg and now humping 6ft6 models...He has now earned some serious legendary status in my books. I take it she picked him up in the bar (excuse the pun). Its amazing what gets people off these days...just the other day I came across a girl who has webcam and on a daily basis she has sex with farm animals...seriously who the hell watches this crap. If you want the link contact me, oh and check out page 3 thats quite entertaining what she does with a goat, yeah I know you want to see it you sicko! Gone with the days of petting animals...now they having sex with them. Terrible!

What the hell is going on in this once so beautiful country of ours? I just heard on the radio that last night our police force was up against the JHB metro police, what the hell? Bystanders were even shot. Seriously, we supposed to trust these people with our lives, now they just killing eachother...nice! Gone with the days of fearing getting arrested by the police, now you have to dodge bullets when you see them...crazy crap. So right now there are no police in Johannesburg, I dont even want to know how the MOST dangerous city in the world is going handle this. I would raid shops and steal cars...you know just some petty crimes. And apparently the interest rate is going up again, and the petrol price...who is the guy getting off on this? Sitting behind his desk laughing as he makes people poor. WHORE! (random outburst...we spoke about this). Soon they going to charge us for breathing. I hate the government...why has noone burnt down parliament yet? whats wrong with you people!

So my sister is getting married this weekend (wedding crashers welcome), gone with the days of her being single and pissing it up like an Irish woman on St. Patricks day, now she is busy shining up her ball and chain as I type this. So because I am only getting paid on Monday (hopefully), I wont have money for the cash bar provided but I do have a nice bottle of brandy for the car bar that will be outside, anyone with mix is welcome. Oh and I have designed the best I O U card EVER...I really hope she likes it. Gone with the days that I used to pull money out my wallet, now I have a pet moth and some old bank statements. This wedding is really going to be awesome, the dj is going to jam some funky chicken and there is free food (yeah!) and free wine (bonus). My future brother in law still has to pay me his final monthly installments before he gets married...the prize doesnt come for free my friend, you pay for her time!

Gone with the days of me saying I would keep up to date with this blogg daily, now its just weekly...being awesome is a hard job people...DEAL WITH IT!

Bye

Let me tell you about my long weekend...and you WILL listen!

Talk about a great weekend...well mine was awesome! Just when I gave up on going to Infected Mushroom because it was virtually impossible to get tickets, I tried one more time and BAM! I got 2 free tickets via Urban wave...after begging them in 2 seperate emails...dont know if it was that or the death threats I sent them the week earlier but hey it worked and I had tickets to possibly the best indoor trance party this year...

Friday was typical at work, Im on deadline so I decided to do some work for a change and put Facebook on the backburner, which didnt last long. Finally after a gruelling 6 hours of hell (my company will now be described as hell in my blog from now on) the time came for me to go home, it was late, it was 15h02...I could have been at my car already, usually we end at 3 but my computer was taking forever to shutdown...2 minutes is fucken long these days! Okay back to the point. So I cruised home down the m3 at the legal speed limit for a friday (150km per hour), picked up my beautiful girlfriend and zooted off to Kalk bay to get some hippie clothing for our night out. I got this really cool glow in the dark tshirt to blow peoples minds when they saw me under the UV lights...fuck Im clever! Anywho...I didnt have much time after getting home from my hippie shopping spree, I still had to shower, roll a fatty and look awesome. 25 minutes later I was ready to go...so cruising down the N1 to Belville Velodrome We decided apon the greatest idea EVER...to hotbox my car, okay well it wasnt quite a hotbox because the fatty was actually a skinny (toothpick) but it was the finest white widow from the greater Lakeside area. All was going well in the fast lane until by some "fantastic" miracle it dropped between my legs and in my high state I thought my leg or even worse my big kev was on fire...so screaming like a little school girl and zigzagging down the N1, I began to realise I wasnt on fire and everything was cool...except we couldnt find the damn joint, which sucked ass because everyone was smoking in the damn velodrome, and after standing in the que for over an hour to get in I was as sober as a judge. Otherwise...12 o clock came and like heaven to my ears, Infected Mushroom came on stage and magically played my favourite song first...I was stomping and jumping like a fucken madman...Im sure I left cracks in that velodrome floor, it was my plan! Wow! that really was one great night...

Saturday flew past...maybe because I slept the whole day, oh, can anyone tell me the rugby score...DAMNIT! Well anyway...my plan for Saturday was to hit only the greatest club EVER...Tiger Tiger, Fark YEAH! It was a AWESOME night out and to make it even better I scored 4 tickets to SEETHER for the Sunday, there was a guy giving tickets away for free and the way I found out was by almost completely knocking this guy off his feet by falling over my own MASSIVE feet...told him Im sorry and he gave me tickets! I wonder what I will score out the next guy I knock into...maybe a black eye or a broken nose knowing my luck.

Sunday I woke up and realised I forgot to get a fathers day gift, so I bolted up to the mall and got my dad a woolworths voucher, some biltong and cashew nuts, what more could a dad want...and its a bonus because he has such a AWESOME son. I spent about 3 hours with my parents, chilling while they just lay in bed hung over...true party animals! they stay out all night and if they never had a cat to feed, I dont think they would come home...they earn legendary points in my book! Off I went to GrandWest to see probably the most successful SA band SEETHER...it was great, except the beer system at the Grand Arena sucks ass dick! So we bought in bulk and I only pissed like a farm horse during the concert and was an insy bit typsie! Seriously Seether really rocked my socks off! they good...infact they great! After the concert my buddy and I were going to go back to his place with a few friends and piss it up a little when we came up with the great idea of going to the official Seether after party at...yes you guessed it...Tiger Tiger. We got there and it was empty until the whole of GrandWest came and the place was PUMPING...The band rocked up and chilled in the V.I.P section, I didnt have time to meet them when they got there because I was busy at the shooter bar. Eventually I made my way to Shaun (the lead singer) and we chatted and I gave him a few tips for his next gig, he was ever so grateful (I think I made his night) but I dont think he will remember because he was pretty in his chops if you know what I mean...AAAAH...another great night.

Monday, I celebrated my youth day by going to GrandWest to do some gambling which I figured out in a hard way that I am fucken terrible at...I hope GrandWest takes my month's grocery shopping money and spends it wisely! I hope the guy who spends my money DIES! (oops...there goes those aggro torrets again, my bad)...I spent the rest of my "youth day" playing Warriors on PS2...seriously is the greatest game ever, if you ever have a chance to steal this game, go ahead and take it...you wont regret it!

Have a great week!

Kev Out!