Laughter is the best medicine...for a hang over!

So being stuck in doors the whole week due to my gang raping by the flu, I decided I had enough of this cabin fever and made a drastic decision to hit Tiger Tiger last night. I first went to good old Springboks for Jug night but it was a bit lame. So after a good half an hour or so we made our move to Tiger...the hairs at the back of my neck still stand up when I think about that place, I love it, 3 more visits and I can start moving my shit in there...great place to set up home! Anywho, it was me and all the beautiful ladies last night (going out with the crew on Saturday)...so I a lot of jealous looks from the creeps that hang in all the dark corners of Tiger and puff away on their cigerettes and sip there double cane and cream soda. I did indeed feel like the man last night and it got even better as the alcohol kept coming my way. For some strange reason we decided to make our local hangout spot (other than the dance floor) the shooter bar. My old headboy pouring us liquid cocaines and lesbian something or another and pink panties...I started questioning my sexuality drinking all this crap, I mean come on! give me a tequila or something with a manlier name like...I dont know...uuu a BALL BUSTER maybe. Im not being ungrateful (it was all free...benefits partying with the chicks, they dont want your money)...I had energy of note after all those bitch pops and the night was getting more awesome after every shot. I now see why girls go fucken ape shit after leaving the shooter bar, us guys all pull funny faces trying to be tough by slamming down an empty neat Jack Daniels shot glass, these girls are drinking colddrink and getting FARKED UP! I love it!

Okay so eventually leaving the shooter bar...I stumbled on the dance floor with my two drinks in my hand that I still had from the 2 for 1 special that ended at half past ten to the most appropriate song at that time..."my drink and my 2 step", I was jamming like a bergie on heat, spilling my drink everywhere, singing and screaming at the DJ (saying that he rocks). After about 40 minutes of displaying my awesomness on the dancefloor, the girls and I decided to chill and have a bit of a smoke break when out of the blue the DJ announces "we giving away free champaigne" in an instant I fought my way to the front of that dancefloor like a bat out of hell and I must of had an angel over me because the manager leant over and just gave me a bottle of South Africa's finest (JC Le Roux)...well maybe he gave it to me because the manager is my buddy, I played it cool though, like we didnt know eachother until I shot the cork over the dance floor and he was there with some glasses and we were pissing it up CLASSY in the club. Man, my first free bottle of booze in a club, thats a night to remember! Except for this morning when my alarm woke me up after 2 hours of sleep...I had the quite a bad hang over, not even my awesomeness could cure this one...

I decided to go to work (because thats the right thing to do) and plus its payday and we end at 3...WAAA hahaha...I love rubbing that in. So feeling like crap I sat at my desk and just facebooked and caught up on some old emails and out of nowhere my photographer pipes up with this joke...its a lot funnier with his hand jesters and facial expressions but I will give it a bash by writing it down. Enjoy...

A wrestler is about to face the world champion in a wrestling match. This champion has never been beaten because he has a move that noone can get out of called the human Pretzel. So anyway our wrestler's coach is giving him words of advice before the "showdown" and telling him that whatever he does he must just not get caught in the human pretzel...

So the fight starts and the two wrestlers are all over eachother and the champion is trying his hardest to get the human pretzel on our boy but its not working. The first round ends and the second one begins and our boy is doing well until the champion catches him in the human pretzel...our guy is twistered and tangled by his own body parts struggling with his life to get out but nothing is working...all of a sudden he bursts out of it and the champion goes flying and knocks himself unconcious making our boy the new champion. As he walks out the ring he gets interviewed: "How did you get out of the human pretzel grip? noone has ever done it before" to which our boy says..."I couldnt move anything until I completely relaxed and realised I could move my mouth, then I realised I could move index finger and as I looked up I saw these balls looking right at me, so I took my index finger and started playing with the balls until they swung in my mouth...Do you know how much strength you have after you bite your own balls...

I almost pissed in my pants laughing to that...I still giggle thinking about it. My hangover headache was cured instantly...so laughter is the best medicine for a hangover!

Have a great weekend ALL!

What is it about Lakeside?

I have lived in Lakeside, Cape Town my whole life and dont have any intention of moving and I dont have any idea why...I just love it here. I grew up in this beautiful suburbia town and so did most of my friends who I met at the local pre school. Growing up in this area got me really patriotic and a small group of us (yeah, you know who you are) started a crew called the Lakeside Locals...man were we cool, tagging walls with spray paint and when times got tough we went as far as using crayons to get our crew's name outthere. All my friends and I grew up on the vlei side and had a turf war with all the peeps on the mountain side...nothing too hectic, maybe just play them in a game of cricket, soccer or rugby to settle scores...because you dont skill in a gang fight, basically a gang fight in Lakeside was the easy way out...but to out score your rivals was more embarresing than anything. Nowadays we still run into our old rivals at the local watering hole and just drink and talk crap to eachother, avoiding the past as much as we can because noone wants to see a grown man cry in a pub...again, hehe...yeah, you know who you are (summer of '98 was a good year for the vlei side boys, haha). When we got over our little turf war with the mountain side boyz...we actually saw some potential for the lakeside local crew...but that all ended when we found something better to do on Friday and Saturday nights...ALCOHOL, jeez, 15 and 16 was and still is a complete blur for me...but Im proud to say that I still sometimes drink at the same spot I had my first drop of alcohol. Its a chair at the vlei that over looks the whole lake...its good romantic spot if you want to woo a girl, send me an email and I will send you a map, its secret, it had to be because we didnt want our "suburbia parents" finding out we drink, its bad enough we were playing sport with the mountain scum, imagine what they would have thought if they found out we were getting pissed on hooch and other bitch pops...

Lakeside reminds me of a small American town, where everyone knows everyone expect less friendly, well not really just not as hectic as they are in the movies where you run into someone in the shop and have a fat chat...in Lakeside it is a quick hello and move on, but you still know who that person is and a tiny bit about them. My first job was in the local video store...I started to know everyones business (and poor taste in movies)...you find out who the sicko's are and the drama queens...I felt like Tom Hanks in Forest Gump, where he says: "you can tell alot about a person's shoes"...well you can tell alot about a persons taste in movies...seriously you can! I couldnt believe some of the people I thought I knew...

Well, I have been very patriotic (as I usually am) and moved out of home and literally across the tracks (not too close to the mountain side...didnt want people thinking Im a trator) from my parents place...how cool is that? Im still in Lakeside and I still have my folks to do my washing...I am living the life people! I just cant leave, I feel like Im in 'lost' where everyone on 'Oceanic 815' has some sort of bond with the "Island", well Lakeside is my freakin Island and I just can leave...even my girlfriend is from Lakeside, what are the chances!...its great! Two of my closest friends who I grew up with unfortunately left the great suburb but I know that every night before they go to sleep...they cry and scream at themselves because they know...you can never just leave the "Island"...its going to be with you forever....

You will never know Lakeside unless you live or have lived here...FACT!

Gang raped by the flu!

Jeez, just when I thought everything was alright and my health was at its best, the flu gets me...and gets me good. It came at about 3.30am Tuesday morning and it pounded me hard...I was sweating, breathing heavily and when my alarm went off for work I couldnt move, I have had a similar experience in my life before and it was also a three letter word but it was pleasurable...but this just fucked me up. So I did the honourable thing and called my office and told "Z" my receptionist to pass the message on that "the kev" wont be coming in today, I would hate to know how the company managed without my awesomeness being there yesterday but hey I had more important things to worry about like my health for instance...

Damn, do I still feel like crap, I curse the person who gave this to me...lucky the workload has gotten less so I reckon its time to do the unspeakable and call the doctor...I hate doctors (Im just going so I can get my certificate so I can have a legal day or two off from work), they always want to put needles inside you and guess what is wrong with you and they have the most untidiest handwriting...seriously can a pharmisist really read all the crap he puts on paper. Imagine being the new guy at the pharmacy and in walks a guy with a piece of paper with scribbling on that a 9 month old baby could probably relate to, I mean what do you do? if you ask the guy "so whats wrong with you", he is going to think you an idiot...so maybe the new guy just plays the guessing game, actually maybe all pharmisists play the guessing game and just give you crap that they think you need just by looking at you, well they must be really good at poker because about 70% of the time it works...I dread the 30% that catches me every now and then.

Wish me luck people, this is going to be scary!!!

The "great" African Safaris

This is one of the magazines I design (yes, that is what I do for a living...other than being awesome 24/7)...This is the "baby" of my company...you can find this particular magazine in your local CNA or Exclusive books. Go check it out, its a great read (not that I read it, but so I hear)...I just put it together.

Well the reason I put "great" in inverted commas is because this has all the potential of being the best travel mag in the country but my boss...who is a bit of a cheapskate wont pay those extra few pennies to register with ABC just to get their stamp in our mag so we can enter for a PICA (the most prestigious award in the publishing industry). So yes it does piss me off to think I bust my ass off every 2 months gunning this magazine...working hectic unpaid overtime, the deadline chopping and changing and dealing with all the crap from the scum of the earth 'the sales team', okay so they are the heart of the company but all the crap they pull when we on deadline cause me to plot some crazy shit on them...like bombing their cars or kidnapping their family for ransom, you wouldnt know until you have been in a designer's shoes and those designers out there reading this can relate to exactly what Im saying. Anywho back to the point or my article, African Safaris is seriously in a league of its own compared to the other travel magazines outthere (hehe), it has a cleancut design and the articles are very well written. Like everything in my life I have worked hard in, I feel like I am being robbed again...I have never won a trophy for anything....ANYTHING, and I have done everything...EVERYTHING. I didnt even get a "nice try" trophy for doing my best...I either must have really sucked or everybody has something against me. I like to think of option 2. All I want is for my boss to just stop being such a schnoop mofo and put that damn sticker in our magazine so we can get some recognition and win the damn PICA we deserve...If I were part of the team for Explore, GO or Getaway I would be shitting myself right about now...be afraid be very afraid bitches...

So this is me...

I have decided its about time I try out some creative writing...I think whats going to make it nice and creative is my spelling, it goes from bad to worse as the sentences get longer. School was years ago (6 to be exact), so this is officially my first essay since...wish me luck people!

This blog is basically going to be all about how I portray the world around me and there will be a bit about me here and there (Im sorry...Im very patriotic...to myself or is it vein, who knows). I can be critical at times but I usually just let things slide, like metrorail for example...it is by far the worst public transport in the modern world, I mean if you own a restaurant and you know its going to be peak hour soon, you will prepare like crazy for the busy time...Metrorail does the complete opposite at peak hour and works perfectly when noone needs the train home...I fucken hate it....Jeez, thats the first time I have actually vented about it in like 17 years of taking the train...I do drive but whats the point of parking my car for 8 hours when I can drive it on weekends and show my baby off ...plus petrol is a bitch.

I will try write about my weekends on Monday mornings but I dont think there will be much to write down as I go a little too crazy on Fridays and Saturdays and usually spend my Sundays turning meat on a braai trying to figure out what the hell happened or I just lie in bed all day and come out at night like a fucken vampire because any bit of light feels like it will melt the skin right off my body. Thats when I know...that was one fucken AWESOME weekend.

Wednesdays and Fridays will be interesting to read this blog because Tuesdays and Thursdays are usually my mission night...Mission one: LETS FIND WEED....Mission two: LETS HOTBOX THIS MOTHERFUCKER....Mission three: LAUGH UNCONTROLABLY...Mission four: MUNCHIES....Mission five: SPONTANEOUS ACTS OF STUPIDITY....man, I cant wait for tomorrow...good times!

The one place I love partying at is Tiger Tiger...I just fucken love that place. There is nothing like 2 for 1 after a hectice car bar session, beautiful bartenders, bouncers that anyone in the club could fuck up and music that you can actually sing along too...there is nothing like being in your Tiger chops on a Tuesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday....so if you out and about you more than likely going to find me pissing it up at Claremont's finest club.

So thats just a insy tiny bit about me and some of the crap that I will be posting on this "journal of my life"....I hope I can keep it going and you guys keep reading

Byeeeee!